Bloggers view of Bullying! ♡

Hey everyone! ♡

Today’s post is my 2nd one of my blogging against bullying series, this one is a slightly different post to what I have ever done before. So you have all read my post about my opinions of bullying etc if you haven’t the post will be linked at the end of this one. So now it is time for you to hear lots of other blogger and influencers opinions and experiences on bullying. I hope you all enjoy the post and thanks so much to everyone who took part, I really appreciate it!

Disclaimer*: If you are easily hurt or saddened by things you read please don’t read this post, this post is not meant to upset anyone just to raise awareness.

Abbie/ Pastel Diaries from: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC6B73YMVLYJLSAY_0q6Y_iw  says:

Bullying is a word that has one meaning to me, it means hurting someone either physically or mentally!
I say this because of my own experience! It all started after my step dad died from an unnatural cause, people didn’t take me seriously, it hurt as I was grieving at the time too. My friends were not very supportive as they were friends with the bully. I never got physically hurt by the bully but words hurt
I also got picked on from boys in my year, making fun of my skin conditions, and my long hair.
This has been going on for five years…
My school did nothing in fact I got most of the blame.
Now I am standing up strong & confidence and I don’t care anymore.
Being happy with yourself makes you feel this way it makes you beat the bully
Don’t hate yourself do the opposite love yourself as you are you! Don’t change for anyone
It can be hard to fight, and they may win some battles but overall you will win the war!
EverythingMe from: https://everythingmexx.wordpress.com/ says:

 

“I have personally been bullied in the past so this topic is very close to my heart and I think it’s such an amazing idea to get so many people involved. Bullying can make you feel so worthless and it’s something that no one should have to feel. I think my main piece of advice for people being bullied is that there is always someone there to help and to never feel scared to tell someone what’s happening. You’re never alone and you never should feel that way. We all need to stand together against bullying and this post is such a fantastic way to do so!”

Florence and Constance from: https://harryssisters.blogspot.co.uk/ say:

Imagine that you feel so self conscious that you daren’t give eye contact. You feel so small that you lie awake at night dreading tomorrow. Because you bully some one, it does not make you cool. Bullying someone does not make you big.

By standing is also wrong. Watching someone get pulled apart and made to feel smaller and smaller is no better than being the bullythemselves. Reach out to those who need it and help them through this. Be a friend. Be the person you would want to stand by you.

Whether you want to admit it or not, bullying is part of everyone’s life, victim, by stander or bully. Luckily for us we have never been the victim, but that doesn’t mean we don’t care. We’re so thankful that we have the opportunity to share this. We hope that these posts make people think and be more aware.

To finish we would like to share a quote. ‘Stand up for what is right even if you stand alone.’

Ella Rose from: https://ellaroseeex.wordpress.com/ says:

When I think about bullying I always think of physical bullying like being punched or kicked and I feel like being called names and horrible messages get over looked when it comes to bullying. I have been a victim of being called names and getting things shouted at me at school in my year 11. I felt like my school really overlooked it, and I feel the exact same as this when it is online. In today’s society we see youtubers, and bloggers get nasty comments on their posts and videos. It upsets me as this is becoming a normal thing that people are just getting used to, and people ignore. I know that whatever you do in live there are going to be people that do not like what you are doing, I have had many people like that in my life time. I feel like at school I have always been judged and get the comments on what I do, but I take it in as jealously or positive critique, cheesy I know! I believe that the best thing to do in situations like this is to ignore all of the negative comments and then take it in and ask yourself why people are doing this, I am a big believer in people that comment negative things are jealous. I think that’s we should all be positive and support one another, I love blogging and I also love being able to support other bloggers. The most effective way to stop bullying and at least limit it, I think is to support one another and help each other out, and ignore the haters, spread positivity not hate!

Megan from: https://everythingmeganx.wordpress.com/ says:

Hey, I’m from the blog everythingmeganx and I’m not 100% sure on how to start this but yeah I’m going to just go for it.

 Bullying is a very serious topic in my opinion and it affects a lot of people in a lot of different ways and also affects all ages. I have been affected by bullying myself in secondary school by my ‘friends’ and it made me feel worthless and I was afraid to speak up as I didn’t want people to think I couldn’t stick up for myself. However, in the end, I did speak up and it did get a little worse at the beginning I am going, to be honest, but then it stopped and it got sorted. I got a mentor a school which is similar to a counselor and I would talk to her about everything as she was a stranger as such and she didn’t know exactly what happened if that makes any sense.
In today’s society, I don’t think bullying will be completely stopped as such as people are very open about what they think and I don’t mean that in a rude way at all. However, I do believe bullying can be reduced in many ways for example if the school, for example, could provide drop ins to talk to a counselor who comes into the school so you wouldn’t feel as teachers and other members of staff will be judging you in any way. I hope this on topic for this blog post, Thank you all so much for reading, if you ever need someone to talk to I’m here.

For me bullying started when I was quite young, not so much before secondary school although I was considered by my class mates to be a weak one so therefore a target. I befriended one of the stronger popular girls in the class (Suzi) so it started to improve; when another girl (Marsha) joined our group that’s really when things started to turn. It started small with just whispering behind my back; probably about nothing in particular but my memories of primary school are quite hazy, at this point I really only remember the good stuff.

When we left what is now known as year 6 to go to secondary school the group was split; myself an Marsha went to one school where Suzi went to another. The school had a bit of a reputation and wasn’t in a great area, I found the transition really tough, of course there were new girls we met in class who honed in on me being what they saw as weak and started to make fun. It wasn’t long before Marsha started to pick on me too and call be names.
I don’t really know how it escalated, Suzi joined our school and the group was reunited but things went downhill for me. They used to run away from me in the playground, push me out of conversations, not let me sit with them in class, talk behind my back, call be names. I was left on my own a lot. The other girls in the school continued with the same and I was pushed to the back of lines for lunch and class, I had my bags emptied in the yard, I’d have things thrown at me on the school bus. One time in science class we were using fibre glass for some reason and they rubbed it in my blazer and put it in my pockets.
I had no confidence at all and no way to stand up to them, I felt very weak. Marsha started to see a boy after school, I never saw him so it could have been a lie. It was all she talked about. Even when we saw each other after school they would do the same type of things. One girl from another school heard that she was talking about the boy and didn’t like this and she was beaten up outside the school gates, and because I was with her I was threatened too.
My Mum had been to the Head already about what was happening and he did nothing. Things settled a bit and a while passed where nothing happened except the whispering and giggling behind my back. Then it was Suzi’s birthday, I was told to bring money for her present as Marsha was going to get it. I didn’t have any money though and after a few days Marsha chased me home and punched me in the face; a few days later they both chased me after I got off the school bus a stop early to avoid them; but I managed to get into the house and shut the door behind me. Usually my parents wouldn’t be in by this point and she knew this so started to kick the door. I hadn’t realised my Dad was upstairs as he’d been off sick that day. He was furious and chased them back up the street. It was then that my parents chose to change my school. I remember going to visit the different schools and we eventually chose one that was quite far away. I liked it, I made friends straight away with girls similar to me.
I didn’t escape the bullying though, a girl I’d known from being a toddler was in my class (Casey) and a girl from primary school was here too. (Cindy) By this point it was just a lot of put downs from Casey but I was a lot stronger here than in my last school and I was able to fight back as it were. My new friends didn’t really like her that much either.
It wasn’t long before the worst happened; Marsha joined the school and her and Cindy became best friends; things didn’t go back to the way it was but they never let me be equal to them. We all got the same school bus so the whispering, giggling and put downs continued right up until the end of our GCSE exams.
Although this is a long story there is so much I have missed out, and I have been very careful not to use their real names. The way these girls treated me from the age of 10 right up to the age of 18 when I went to University has shaped the way I treated friendships throughout most of my 20’s; in many ways these friendships failed as I would always second guess why anyone would be friends with me. Now I’m in my late 30’s I would consider myself to be confident and can talk to my friends in a way that I never could when I was a teenager. Whispering however is still something that is a huge pet hate; it is something that should never happen. I wish I had the strength and confidence I have now 30 years ago.
Looking now at the way social media takes a huge part in school life, I have no idea what effect that would have had on me an how it would have contributed to the situation.
How bullying is tackled now is an effort on all parts, the parents, teachers and children as in my case it can be friends that are the bully’s and have no idea the effect that it has on the victim in the long term. Everyone should be aware of how it feels being a victim. Why would anyone want to make someone feel like that? It’s a very difficult subject to tackle and it starts with the parents but I also feel that schools should be given the tools to tackle situations before they escalate; children should feel they have someone to go to talk about it. I don’t believe that bully’s respond to confrontation in some cases, not all though. Supporting the victim to help them become strong and confident enough to not show they are being effected by bully’s actions.
Three of the girls that bullied me now work in schools, two of them are teachers and all of them are now parents. I removed them from Facebook not long ago as they were preaching about bullying and are now very anti bullying; I believe Suzi now regrets her actions but I believe Marsha would deny she was ever a bully. I met up with Cindy a few years back, we were reminiscing about school and I spotted her slip back into old habits trying to rewrite what actually happened; probably how she believed it happened but I have a very vivid memory; I know how things happened.

My opinion of bullying; it’s dangerous. It can change people’s lives, as much as we try not to let it, it does. It creeps up on you in the most least expected times. It’s hurtful. Physical, mental & cyber bullying are all just as bad as one another. I will never ever understand why there is bullying going on in so many places.

But I do honestly believe that if we learn about it in school from an early age it could at least be prevented. It will most likely never stop but we can help. Talking about it with everybody, the effects it can have is a good way to start. Making sure that in schools there are bullying tactics in place. Knowing there is someone you can go to talk about it and not feeling alone can help you further on into adulthood.

I have experienced bullying. From around the age of 9 I was bullied not just in school but outside. Certain memories stick with me. I was chased around the park and shouted Dumbo in my face because of my ears. I cried everyday wishing to be anybody but me. I had an operation on my ears to change myself but it was still never enough.

Going on into secondary school I thought it would be a fresh start. And it was fine up until 14/15, I began having problems within my arms and diagnosed. This just made everything worse and in class so many people would make fun. And I just hid my arms as much as I could.

Even now 7 years on from leaving school I remember it all. And haven’t spoken too much about it all. But I wish I’d had just one person I could go to in school to help me. I hope that one day the bullies will realise they didn’t break me, they just made me stronger.

I hope that by telling my thoughts and story it can help one person into standing up again the bullies and that more action is taken.

Aimie xo

Emily from: https://www.onthejobmom.com/ says:

Hockey Locker Room Bullying

Locker rooms are breeding grounds for roughhousing, horseplay and even name calling. The rough and tumble atmosphere is particularly the case after a game or practice. Energy is still fueling the players, and their competitive edge is still switched on.  

This rush causes them to act more aggressively than they might normally. Even in the friendliest of locker rooms, there is some degree of joking around. Unfortunately, this kind of locker room horseplay can easily evolve into bullying. Even worse, identifying the difference between the two can be extremely difficult.

Why Does Bullying Occur and Persist in the Locker Room?

From a social, behavioral standpoint, locker room banter and horsing around is a means to create cohesion in the group. Laughter brings people together and can lift spirits after a particularly rough match. This humor can be a glue for some teams. But, it can also cause dissension. Often, this banter is targeted and can be used negatively by established leaders to weed out the weak or highlight bad performances.

The tricky part of locker room bullying is identifying when this kind of raw banter crosses the line into the realm of bullying. From an outsider perspective, any locker room banter can seem over the top. That’s likely because that person isn’t in the ‘know.’

Teammates can be harder on each other because they have a distinct family-like bond. Just as you’re likely more honest with your family members than you are with someone you’ve just met.

Thus, it’s often up to the person being bullied to stand up against the leader or for an upstander to stand up on the victim’s behalf, be it another player, a coach or even a parent. In a hockey team environment, it can be challenging for victims to stand up for themselves. The bully is almost always a team leader, and the target is lower on the team’s hierarchy.

This authority is usually derived from each player’s performance. High performing players are held in higher regard by teammates and coaches alike.

This is also why it can be difficult for another teammate to step in. For one, they don’t want the attention directed at them, especially if they are low on the team’s hierarchy.

Second, confronting a team leader could be seen as going against the team itself. Many teammates will laugh along with the bullying because they become swept up in the mob mentality and intense team camaraderie. In a lot of cases where locker room bullying leads to disciplinary action, teammates that participated state that they didn’t know it was bullying.  

How Do We Make The Line Between Horseplay and Bullying Clearer?

The hardest task in confronting locker room bullying is knowing when the line is crossed between merely joking around and into aggressive bullying. Olweus, a prevalent bullying prevention program, defines bullying as having three essential characteristics:

  • Aggressive
  • Repetitive
  • Creates an imbalance of power

With this definition, it can be easy to see why bullying occurs so often in a hockey team’s locker room. All of these traits are things that coaches encourage from players. Being aggressive on the ice helps win games, repetitive practice and drills are how players improve and proving you’re better than the other team is the very nature of hockey games.

It can be very difficult for young boys and girls to understand when these characteristics are okay and when they are inappropriate. Thus, they rarely think of what they are doing as bullying in the first place.  This makes it much easier for the behavior to go on unchecked.

It’s also important to identify the different types and forms that bullying can take. Bullying can be either:

  • Physical: shoving, hitting, spitting, punching, etc.
  • Verbal: name calling, derogatory comments, put downs, etc
  • Social: posting embarrassing images or comments on social media, spreading rumors, purposely not including an individual, etc.

Also, it can be either direct or indirect. In cases of direct bullying, the action is usually face-to-face. Almost every form of physical bullying is direct. With indirect bullying, the source or perpetrator isn’t known.

Actions are done subtly and behind the victim’s back. Anonymous cyber pulling is the most common form of indirect bullying in today’s schools, but stealing personal items and social isolation are up there too.

By understanding the different types of bullying and how it can be carried out, the line between harmless horseplay and actual bullying is easier to see. It’s important to make sure that coaches, parents, and players all understand and share the same feelings towards bullying to ensure that it doesn’t happen on your child’s hockey team.

Preventing Bullying In The Hockey Locker Room

It may be impossible to eradicate bullying from the locker room entirely. However, there is a lot that can be done to help prevent it from spreading and carrying on. First is to dispel the age old ‘boys will be boys’ attitude.

Not only does this do little to address the issues of bullying, but it also empowers the bullies to continue what they are doing without any sense of it being wrong. At the same time, it sends a crippling message to the victim. In many cases, it can express to them that they deserve what’s happening to them or that this is normal behavior.
Ultimately, stopping bullying from continuing comes down to either adult or peer intervention. This means either a parent or coach puts a stop to it or another teammate does. The coach holds the most influence over the team and is arguably the best person to intervene, but, it can be hard for the coach to recognize bullying because kids try to hide it.

As a parent, one of the best things you can do is to teach your son or daughter to be an upstander. An upstander is someone who “has the ability and willingness to stand up to bullying behavior.” Encouraging your child to be an upstander can be difficult. As discussed earlier, teammates don’t like to intervene because of the fear that they may be targeted next or seen as going against the group.

To encourage your hockey players to fight this fear, help them understand that they already have this ability in them. When a teammate is hit on the ice unfairly or is in trouble, you come to his aid. That behavior should extend to the locker room. They are responsible for their teammates on and off the ice.

Facilitating your player to become an upstander requires them to learn empathy and how another feels as the target of bullying. You should encourage them to communicate with anyone that is routinely the target of the locker room “horseplay” and see how they feel about it. Some players don’t mind the banter, while others are withering under the attacks and are likely too afraid to admit it.

By opening up a safe line of communication with a potential victim, they’ll be more liable to share how they feel. This will help your young player identify when bullying is taking place and when intervention is necessary.

Regarding communication, it is also important that they know they can come to you with their questions and experiences regarding locker room bullying. This can take quite a lot of patience and reserve on the part of the parent. If you jump up and raise the alarm each time they come to you with an incident that happened in the locker room, they’ll be less likely to continue coming to you.

Coach them through how to approach a bully or a victim and defuse the situation. Not only will this create better bonds between the teammates than an adult intervention would have, but it will teach your child valuable communication lessons that will serve them throughout their entire life.

Conclusion

Bullying is a regrettable aspect of team sports, especially at young ages. The more open conversations you and your child can have with each other, coaches, other players and anyone else involved in the team, the better the group cohesion of that team will be.

By improving the team’s chemistry, you’ll thereby enhance its ability to win and have a good time doing it.
Emily Erson

To some teaching is a job, and the title they give themselves is teacher.  To me, teaching is a passion, and the title I give myself is lifelong learner.  In addition to finding ways to reach kids in the classroom, I spend a great deal of my time working with several youth hockey programs and animal rescue organizations.

Maryam from: https://abrunettebloggerx.wordpress.com/ says:

Bullying is like smoking, it can kill.

Bullying has become very popular lately. Obviously, some people use it as joking and some others as teasing ! In both ways , bullying must be forbidden in any place around the world . Bullying has drawbacks more than you can even imagine . It’s very common that the bullied one wouldn’t be able to handle all these threats , harassments and teasing on his conscience , so the only solution in front of him/her is to commit suicide! And I saw lots of videos and I read lots of stories and most of them had ended up this way!

You may hate people whose not like you, you may tease them, but always remember that they do have feelings , they cry and keep inside themselves.  You should know the consequences of your actions . There’s nothing different between you and anyone you hate.  In the end, all of us are humans

I asked myself , what’s the main reason behind bullying ? why do they bully ? is it fun ? Maybe because of hatred? Maybe to act in a cool way? I couldn’t find a convincing answer. Is it that easy , teasing your classmates or friends and make fun of them in front of others , making them have inner conflict inside themselves , allowing them to think about committing suicide? Is that really what will make you happy and proud of yourself ? It is really hard for the bullied ones … if you weren’t in their shoes before, you would never know how they’re feeling .

A bullying culture can develop in any context in which people interact with each other in school, workplace , home and neighborhoods . Bullying can be verbal , physical , relational and cyber .

Did you ask yourself before what do bullied ones feel? I’ll tell you. They feel anxious, depressed, insecure, afraid, angry and nervous. Mostly, they couldn’t concentrate in the class and they’re always thinking why is this happening to them. They usually end up in physical fights or arguments while trying to defend themselves, they regularly feel nervous to go to school and especially alone. They always avoid group situations and conversations, they spend a lot of time trying to figure out what to do or where to go to avoid these harassments and threats. They always think if their parents knew what’s happening , they’ll be worried and upset .

They’ll lose self-confidence and happiness until they know that they’re worth it and that they shouldn’t listen to other people’s opinion about them. Until they notice that they’re beautiful just the way they are. Some kids who are bullied believe that it’s their fault, they think there’s something wrong with them and they’re worth picking on.

We need to stop bullying! When you see a bullied one or a new comer in your school, university, neighborhood ,workplace ,etc. try to talk to that person and make him/her feel good about themselves and make them feel loved . If they have some bad states in their personalities , maybe you should go and talk to them about these bad states and ask them to stop it because maybe this will hurt or bother someone .

If you saw a bully , try to talk to him/her saying that this really hurts the bullied one and that this is really hard for him/her. Maybe the bully will understand ! At that time, you should be really proud of yourself because you stopped this bad process.

Write down in a piece of paper ” STOP BULLYING ” and stick it all around the place that you’re in. In the school, university, street, workplace, etc. I think that this one may work!! We need to do all what we can to stop bullying and to make people feel good about themselves.

Don’t judge size, skin color (tone), marital status, clothes, etc. Because everyone is beautiful in her/his way. No one is better than the other, in the end all of us are humans and we do have feelings; this is what we call equality.

Maybe we should do a challenge? Can you challenge yourself ? Well, let’s go more in details! Look, if you saw someone teasing the other in a very bad way, try to go into the conversation and stop it. Tell the bullied one that there’s nothing wrong with him/her and that everyone is beautiful just the way they are. I don’t know, but tell him/her anything that will make him/her feel good about themselves. I don’t know if this will do something, but I believe that by sharing this maybe we could save someone.

If you turn and face the other way when someone is being bullied, you might as well be the bully too. Share and spread love among all your classmates or friends. We need to learn how to love each others , we need to learn that everyone is beautiful in their own way .We need to understand that all of us are humans and we do have feelings . we need to shout and scream and say” STOP BULLYING ” WE CAN DO IT IF EVERYONE STARTS BY HIMSELF / HERSELF .

Loise Ngugi from: settleasy.co.ke/my-blog/ says:

Bullying: Act on Bullying on time before it is too late

‘Bullying’ is just another work for a bad deed, just like ‘Burglary, and ‘hatred.’ What people do not realize is that bullying carries with it other ripple effects that make it paramount to other deeds such as ‘murder’ ‘humiliation’ and ‘torture,’ among others. I say this because I know the kind of impact that bullying has on its victims.

The truth is bullying dies not have to involve hitting and jeering from students. It goes further to making threats and manipulating the victims through blackmail. Whichever form bullying takes, the impact is so big that a single word is not enough to describe it.

Bullying changes the whole life of the victim. It alters their self-perception and their perception of their environment and other people. It alters their self-confidence so much that most never gather enough courage to explore their talents and gifts. It gets so bad that some people feel worthless and only deserving of terrible things and in more extreme cases, even death.

I worked for a CEO who despite his comfortable life in relation to all money could provide still lived in his own hell. Upon inquiring further, I realized that it was all a result of his past bullying experience-all the way back in primary and high school. He is a successful and smart man but one who is extremely afraid of failure and one who rejects all forms of positive complements.

It is for this reason that schools must have qualified psychologists within the school environment to identify all cases of bullying within the school environment and address them accordingly. That way, the bullying can be stopped before the confidence of the victim is completely eroded or when such a victim laves the school for peace of mind.

Taking my case as an example, I remember the instance when I experienced some form of bullying (a mild kind according to those who have been bullied all their lives). School was unbearable, especially since the bully was my desk mate. She constantly said nasty things to me and always made it worse when I was in trouble by adding onto my ‘fault.’ Luckily, the bullying stopped when I reported it to the teacher and no other student in class picked on me.

Bullying has adverse impact on the victim and should be treated like a crime and not just a childish misconduct. Victims of bullying should also be understood and not considered as people who only want to be pampered. It is better to prevent extreme reactions to bullying than to cry over spilled milk when cases such as suicide and extreme ‘cutting’ occur.

 That’s it for today’s post, I hope you leave it feeling uplifted and positive! I will be doing a part 2 so if anyone wants to email me a paragraph they have written about bullying for me to include in my next one my email is: everythingeden31@gmail.com 💗

Lots of love,

Eden xxx

15 Comments

  1. October 19, 2017 / 5:16 pm

    Thank you so much for doing this Eden, it’s so lovely to see people coming together to stand up against bullying. Thank you for the opportunity to be part of this and can’t wait to see part 2! Xx

  2. October 19, 2017 / 5:54 pm

    I’m so glad I was able to take part in this. It’s amazing how many other people got involved too! Thank you for creating this! I think it will really help someone. xx

    • October 19, 2017 / 5:57 pm

      Aw thanks so much for wanting to be involved! I really hope it does xx

  3. October 19, 2017 / 10:38 pm

    Absolutely love this post, i think it no only gets you thinking about bullying but it kinda raises awareness too! Such an inspirational topic 💜

  4. October 20, 2017 / 1:32 pm

    Such a deep post. Bullying is a serious issue and not everyone is strong enough to get through the terrible experience unfortunately!

    Sophie xx // One Unique

  5. October 21, 2017 / 8:35 am

    Wow. This post gave me goosebumps reading all the experiences from different people. As someone who has also experienced these sort of things I think we should do more about bullying; it’s so often looked over. Thanks for making these posts, Eden.

    Abby x

    • October 21, 2017 / 8:37 am

      I do too it’s so important. Thank you Abby, sorry if you found any of it upsetting x

  6. October 21, 2017 / 9:33 am

    This post honestly hurt for all of the right reasons. Bullying is such an important thing to talk about and I’m glad you’ve made that step xx

    • October 21, 2017 / 9:34 am

      I’m glad you enjoyed it and got something out of it ff

  7. November 9, 2017 / 7:04 pm

    This is a really important topic so thank you for sharing about it! I wish that people would realising how wrong bullying is, but you cannot open everyone’s eyes, I guess.

    Rachel x

  8. January 1, 2018 / 2:28 pm

    I’ve just seen it now ! I’m so happy to be a part in this 🙂 thank you so much for sharing <3

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